Me and my Joelybean snowshoeing.
I wanted to catch everyone up on what exactly I am planning for 2014. After a little bit of back and forth between desire and reality, I decided to train for triathlons. Committing to things has always been such a struggle for me since my swimming days, and I think I have finally been able to semi-adopt the mentality that what will be will be and to just go about my goals anyways. I knew I really enjoyed training and a regimented schedule and love to challenge myself, and with the support and encouragement from my family and Joel I decided to go for it. As I have said before many times, athletes like myself don't do well with just 'doing' or 'trying;' its an all or nothing kind of thing. I think I have the potential to do something awesome in the sport if I dedicate myself. IF. I have been working out the last few more months more than I ever have before, so I am in great shape but have a LONG ways to go before I will be satisfied.
I adopted a training schedule and have religiously stuck to it. I'll even go as far to say I don't feel like I am doing enough; I want to push myself even more. I am always tired and more often than not I am hungry, but I know I could do more; the balance is hard. I sometimes wish I could train like I used to, with food provided to me and no jobs to do other than get my homework done and write some slinky three page paper by the end of the week. However, part of the challenge of being an adult athlete is making it all fit and working everything in. It's been really fun training in three sports that I enjoy individually and seeing improvements in each. I have been swimming about three times a week, and have noticed drastic improvements in how my shoulder is holding up. I'm not swimming great yardage or fast times, but I am swimming better and longer than I have since my initial injury (10 YEARS AGO!) so I really cant complain. I just feel lucky to swim after four surgeries. Cycling has been hard because I have a huge fear of cold or wet weather, so most of my rides are on the trainer. That being said I am stronger than I have ever been so every week is better than the last. Running is still new to me, but the more miles I run and more workouts I do, the stronger and more confident I feel. Combining the workouts and doing doubles during the week while working is actually really fun; I love the feeling of pushing myself to the limit and being so tired I could sleep sitting upright with energetic five year olds screaming around me but going out and running one of my fastest and strongest workouts ever. There is no doubt I am excited about what I will do this summer.
However, I'll be the first to admit that I don't really know what I am doing. My race schedule seems to change on a weekly basis, I try to base my training on various people and plans and normally feel in over my head for the goals that I have. I constantly wonder if I am doing too much or too little and if this is right or wrong. I look to others for goal shaping and training help, and flounder without my friends and Joel to provide me with input. Right now, I just don't feel like I am to the point where a coach would be useful - they don't know me, I don't know them and neither of us will know what I am capable of until I race. Plus, they are expensive and unless I find someone willing to take me on as a charity case I have better use of that money each month. I have only done two triathlons and felt like I barely finished so 'triathlete' isn't a word I would use to describe myself yet; I'm just in good shape. I daydream about signing sponsorship deals and running insanely fast times in effortless form and crossing a finish line to find myself standing on the top of a podium shortly after. Meanwhile, I sometimes struggle with a four mile shakeout run and just want to phone a friend to pick me up and get a milkshake (or beer). The whole effort, the work, isn't something that is new to me; its something familiar and feels like a hug most of the time, even when I am so frustrated I want to scream. The sport is what's new and hard to trust; I don't know my ability yet and I don't understand the sport as well as I want to. I am learning.
I have big goals for this year; I wouldn't be me if I didn't. I want to try a Half Ironman distance, to see how I like it and how well I might do. It's sustained effort for over five hours, so it might just be that my body rejects the whole thing. At first it seemed almost impossible (like my first half marathon did), but now that I have been training more I'm confidant I can do more than just finish. Other than that, I just want to race fast in the Olympic distances, kick some ass, and be fast enough to be in elite waves. Why? Because I know I can be that fast. Committing to much more than that is well, overwhelming. Plus, my comeback story isn't the worst I have ever heard.
Ok, nap time.
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!
