While I learned that everyone has a different path and
gained this whole ‘seize the day’ mentality earlier on, it’s taken me a long
time to try to live my life like that. It’s taken me a long time to unburden
myself from the things that once tied me down, the things that held me down and
made me grief stricken. It took me a very long time to look upon these moments,
these events, with growth instead of pure hatred. It took me a very long time
to see how it changed me, for good and for bad. It took me a very long time to
completely surrender the life that I had once wanted so badly and was destined
for, and even more so forgive myself for not making it a reality. Had someone
told me when I was 16 that I would eventually have found my way to where I am
now, I would have responded ‘you’re bat shit crazy.’ I was dead set on making
my dreams come true long after the ship had sailed and while I think the heartbreak
was something I needed to experience to move on, I wish I hadn’t spent so long
mourning.
Ok, enough of the conversation that never ends; my point is,
our lives are exactly what we make of them. I want and TRY to inspire people to
see this; the only real limits are ones you placed on yourself. I have made
plenty of decisions that conflict with my parents opinions (note: not their
love), have gone way against the grain and absolutely do not regret it, and
have basically just acted on a whim. I maxed out a credit card to simply go to
Patagonia when I was in Chile last minute and see penguins. Why? No, no, you’re
being too logical. The question is, why not? Even when I was crying alone
somewhere in South America, frustrated from not being able to speak Spanish or
not being able to find my apartment or having my debit card stolen, I didn’t
regret it. I was living life; I was feeling and experiencing the real thing. I
was finding me – I was BEING ME. I didn’t want to compete ever again after the
whole swimming fiasco, but I have gradually found my way back and was consumed with
dreams and thoughts of making my efforts worth it. Slowly but surely, I
accepted these as goals and hey! Now I am achieving them and it’s kind of
exciting and I kind of like it! I have learned to not shy away from things;
approach some things cautiously, yes, but I get to make my own life. One thing
ends and we (should) take on another. I got lost in the transition (I was only
16, give me a break), and a lot of people do. That is totally ok. Life is messy
and people get lost and do the wrong thing and we learn. And now that the
newness of this realization and this new perspective on how to live has worn
off, I get a little jealous of people who are just figuring this out but am so
happy that they are! And while we can relate to each other in this new way, our
experiences are totally different. We have lost and gained very different
things. But one thing is for sure; our life is full. For living 26 years, I
have so much life packed in there that it actually makes me a little tired just
thinking about it. We have lived so fully and continue to live that our paths
take us to unique and outstanding places. For example, my 2014 goals for myself
are so outstanding and exciting that my blood pressure rises just thinking
about it.
So why did I write this? No reason, really. Its really just a bunch of words with a vague message. Just writing down my thoughts and making it
known that everyone can change and try something new. That even the people have
accomplished great things that we look up to can experience the same kind of fall
out and ‘what do I do now?’ sort of thing. That no matter what you are coming back
from, it’s worth it. That everyone should meet challenges with the most
strength they can muster because the path you are on is totally worth it.
