Life paths and learning how to travel them.

It will hit me suddenly, any moment of any day, and it always rings true. Everybody travels a different path in life. Sure we hit some of the same landmarks and share the same moments, but it’s impossible for me to liken my life experience with yours. It’s one of the fascinating things about humans and our hearts. I struggled for a really long time with grasping this concept. I couldn’t let the life I wanted go – I didn’t know how. I was envious of those who were living on my path, or seemed to be, and was consumed with jealousy and rage for having been kicked off my path so suddenly. But after however many surgeries, I finally learned that I need to relax, take calm breaths and let the reality of my life sink in – it is exactly what I make it; no more, no less. I lost everything I thought I could have, I lost myself and my identity, but I gained so many opportunities and had what I thought was a pretty unique outlook on life. Now people that I was once envious of are traveling down the same path of realization I was on; life is constant learning and change and making of it what you want. Of course, everyone comes to this realization in varying states of happiness; it can be a very sad and overwhelming thought to know that life is what you make it. It leaves a lot open for interpretation. It leaves a lot open to our imagination.

While I learned that everyone has a different path and gained this whole ‘seize the day’ mentality earlier on, it’s taken me a long time to try to live my life like that. It’s taken me a long time to unburden myself from the things that once tied me down, the things that held me down and made me grief stricken. It took me a very long time to look upon these moments, these events, with growth instead of pure hatred. It took me a very long time to see how it changed me, for good and for bad. It took me a very long time to completely surrender the life that I had once wanted so badly and was destined for, and even more so forgive myself for not making it a reality. Had someone told me when I was 16 that I would eventually have found my way to where I am now, I would have responded ‘you’re bat shit crazy.’ I was dead set on making my dreams come true long after the ship had sailed and while I think the heartbreak was something I needed to experience to move on, I wish I hadn’t spent so long mourning.

Ok, enough of the conversation that never ends; my point is, our lives are exactly what we make of them. I want and TRY to inspire people to see this; the only real limits are ones you placed on yourself. I have made plenty of decisions that conflict with my parents opinions (note: not their love), have gone way against the grain and absolutely do not regret it, and have basically just acted on a whim. I maxed out a credit card to simply go to Patagonia when I was in Chile last minute and see penguins. Why? No, no, you’re being too logical. The question is, why not? Even when I was crying alone somewhere in South America, frustrated from not being able to speak Spanish or not being able to find my apartment or having my debit card stolen, I didn’t regret it. I was living life; I was feeling and experiencing the real thing. I was finding me – I was BEING ME. I didn’t want to compete ever again after the whole swimming fiasco, but I have gradually found my way back and was consumed with dreams and thoughts of making my efforts worth it. Slowly but surely, I accepted these as goals and hey! Now I am achieving them and it’s kind of exciting and I kind of like it! I have learned to not shy away from things; approach some things cautiously, yes, but I get to make my own life. One thing ends and we (should) take on another. I got lost in the transition (I was only 16, give me a break), and a lot of people do. That is totally ok. Life is messy and people get lost and do the wrong thing and we learn. And now that the newness of this realization and this new perspective on how to live has worn off, I get a little jealous of people who are just figuring this out but am so happy that they are! And while we can relate to each other in this new way, our experiences are totally different. We have lost and gained very different things. But one thing is for sure; our life is full. For living 26 years, I have so much life packed in there that it actually makes me a little tired just thinking about it. We have lived so fully and continue to live that our paths take us to unique and outstanding places. For example, my 2014 goals for myself are so outstanding and exciting that my blood pressure rises just thinking about it.

So why did I write this? No reason, really. Its really just a bunch of words with a vague message. Just writing down my thoughts and making it known that everyone can change and try something new. That even the people have accomplished great things that we look up to can experience the same kind of fall out and ‘what do I do now?’ sort of thing. That no matter what you are coming back from, it’s worth it. That everyone should meet challenges with the most strength they can muster because the path you are on is totally worth it.