Yes, if you have read any of my past posts, you know that it isn't literally the first time I have ran. But, it is the first time I have ran continuously (more than twice a week) and trained for something running related. Its the first time going out for a 6 mile run is easy. It's the first time I have made mindful purchases of running clothing. Its the first time I have worn a watch for a workout. Its the first time I have ran 11 miles. Its the first time I have gotten excited about running work outs and new personal bests for running.
My race is 2 weeks and 2 days away. And as I head into my last long run before I race (12 miles) I am convinced that my goal of just finishing one is obsolete; my athlete brain has numbers in mind. I now know I can run 13.1 miles and know that it can feel good. I know that I can fly on certain runs and recover well. I now know that I can be a runner.
Two and a half months ago when I had started running for this race just the thought of running 13.1 miles at an 8:00 pace blew my mind. Then, I started running 'significant' miles (for me, anyways) and my average pace started to drop. Then, before I knew it, I was below 8 pace. Consistently. For all runs. My legs felt good and strong, even when I was sore and tired. Woah, I could do this. I could really run. I can run 10 miles, and what's even better is that I like doing it.
Enter: Athlete brain. This is the brain of a girl who is so athletically inclined and competitive that my way of sizing up sports and races is by looking at times that won it the year before (pro status or not) and compare myself to those times. Yes, yes. I do sports for fun. I know that is what its all about. And to only compare your race to the clock and how it felt. The 'best' for each person in a race is different, so never hold yourself to someone else's standards. I was a swimmer for half my life (lots of different swimmers and races, but only one clock), so I get this concept just as well as anybody else does. But my athlete brain has always craved something, perhaps the things that it missed out on when I got injured and had to quit swimming. My athlete brain still wants something great and something big, but for years my body has struggled with figuring out how to follow along. With triathlons, my athlete brain was super pumped. Here I was, a good swimmer able to get out of the water fresh and ready for the next leg when most people exited exhausted and drained. But the run always scared me. I believed everyone that I could be a good runner if I applied myself, but I never did. It was too scary, too new, and the impact seemed to be something my body couldn't take. But now...
When I decided I wanted (ish) to run a half marathon I employed the help of Vishal, a fellow Nuunie who rocks at running and completely understands athlete brain and how I work. He calmed me down, started me off easy, and explained that he could easily help me reach my goal of sub 1:45 half. With half assed trust, I started off and shortly their after, was completely committed; I saw what he saw. He gave me work outs that allowed me to reconnect with the old athlete in me. I got to go into the pain cave a couple times. And man, do I love the pain cave. Love love love. Always have. I was the swimmer who was EXCITED about sets like time 3000s back, holding 1:05s or 1:04s the whole way. I loved 6 800's at BYOB pace (Blow your brains out = race pace or damn close to it). These feelings are all to familiar and if anything, something I have missed. Once I started getting into shape, I could feel my body morph and chase the pain cave feeling when I was running. I do not shy away from difficult sets and give my all to do the best, because why wouldn't I? I want to get faster, better, stronger and good lord, a little pain has never stopped me before. I like to push until reality pushes back in the way of losing stomach contents, passing out, falling down (or collapsing to the bottom of the pool in a ball), or cramping up so bad my pace is essentially at a cool down pace.
As a seasoned athlete, the last two months have been completely enjoyable. I have been able to start all over with another sport with the wisdom of how things work and where it might take me, and with enough passion and athlete brain to (overly?) commit to the effort. I am learning a lot, and am so beyond pleased of how my body has responded to training. Plus, this whole 'training' thing is way more fun and exciting for my athlete brain than just working out mindlessly for a few hours a week to try to keep a figure or stay in shape. And dare I say it, I really like running. Even more than that, I like the idea of becoming a solid runner so I can apply my fast running skills to triathlons next summer and kick ass so that I can complete a half ironman and run my first sub six minute mile in years and hold a 6:30 pace for a 5k and... sorry, that's just my athlete brain at work again.
I hope all true athletes get to experience this newness at one point in their lives: it has shed so much more excitement on the whole thing and has given me a whole new perspective on trying new things, not to mention has gotten me PUMPED to actually train again. Thanks to running, my athlete brain is back, alive and kickin', and I freakin' love it.
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